addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
