i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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