Your tits are I can't wait for
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
