i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
