you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
