what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
