Do you still have your period?
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We need a shit load of segways right now
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
