just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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