I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
