the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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