Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i drank out of a bidet.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
