I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
