I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
