I showed him my bush... on skype.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Randomize
