i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
