he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I think I won the penis lottery.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
