I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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