If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize