READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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