Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
