just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
