i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Are we still banned from the library?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
