I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
