God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
