i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
