dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
