Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
