i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
