I heard we made out
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize