You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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