I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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