when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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