shes about as inviting as chlamydia
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
