it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
