I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Text me some of your sweat
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
