i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
