i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
