forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
