I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
