He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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