Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
