So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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