Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
