I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
