Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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