Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
