Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
