Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
