I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
