your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize