Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
So vagazzling was a success
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
