When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
