I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize