what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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