A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
