anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
