Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
