It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
