Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
the condom got lost in my hair
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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