i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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