Define "chronic" masturbator.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
