Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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