You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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