2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
