problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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