i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
