Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
