You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Randomize
